Home Viewpoints B-School Postpartum blues ... 10 months later? Friday, 05 December 2008
             
Postpartum blues ... 10 months later? PDF Print E-mail
Sunday, 18 May 2008 18:19
I haven"t been in the mood to post. I haven"t been in the mood to do anything. But, remembering that my intent is to deliver a very honest description of my experience, here I am ... to whine a bit.

Mid-terms were hard for me. I am not doing particularly well in any of my classes. Just average and who wants to be average?!

I"ve been wondering why I feel so awfully blah this quarter and it occurred to me that perhaps I am mourning my pre-baby self. Once upon a time (a mere 10 months ago actually) I think I could have taken this quarter"s courseload by storm. Once upon a time, I had every waking hour at my disposal for study or work, the only way I find it possible to succeed. But now I am a fraction of my former self in terms of time and therefore academic achievement and I worry about my summer internship. It"s scary and disorienting to do the best that I can and still fall short of expectations. I wonder sometimes what I am giving up by not waiting until the after the MBA to have a baby.

Grades, schmades, you say - but my self-esteem is deeply entwined with my academics and career and my attempts at baby + the usual work load, leaves me feeling short on both counts and in possession of a diminished self-esteem. And as baby is here to stay (bless his little heart), there"s not much to do but readjust expectations ... but I"m not readjusting all that well. I just feel like I"m running in place: exhausted, with little to show for the effort.

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